Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
