Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
