Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You can't special order awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
