Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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