from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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