just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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