The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
