I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
