dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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