I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
