carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
