I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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