And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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