i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
