What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
