If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
