if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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