i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
