so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
someone owes me an orgasm
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
