allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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