Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
