You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
