You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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