This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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