...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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