What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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