doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
