This is not my ceiling
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
