Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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