Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(303): View more from Colorado

there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid

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(859): View more from Kentucky

If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website

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