I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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