I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
