Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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