Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
