I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
