wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
