So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
