So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
