remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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