I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MIDGETS
????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
