i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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