you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
