He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
