When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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