are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
