how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
