Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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