I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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