He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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