I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
