You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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