I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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