You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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