was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
