So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
