I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
