When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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