The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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