Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
