No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
