can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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