party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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