Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
