God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
