These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
