its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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