now i know why i became what i already was.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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