nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
