He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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