i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
